(a timed free-write response to Ana Monet’s What I’ve Learned)
i’ve learned how to hold things together though i sometimes break.
i keep the peace but the unrest comes alive when I try to sleep.
i write thoughtful words i don’t speak because they won’t be understood by people who speak words they haven’t given thought to.
i am not allowed to be angry because only one type of person is allowed to show anger.
i’m not the right type.
my type is allowed silent resentments.
i hope my daughter can be angry out loud.
i’ve learned a “friend” will betray me to grab for a power she doesn’t even enjoy.
i’ve learned she will still smile and say hello even though she knows i know.
i’ve learned the people who should feel the most shame often feel no shame.
i’m learning not to trust people who don’t trust themselves because when they learn the water is a mirage, they drink the sand.
i am not a mirage.
i’ve learned being a mother is a hopeful act for the future
because i have to have hope for the future.
i’ve learned it says a lot about the values of a society by how little it values the boundaries of mothers.
i’ve learned to know my worth even when it’s not rewarded—
maybe most especially when it’s not rewarded.
boundaries are a beginning.
a beginning is a hope.